Family caregivers are always on the clock tending to their loved ones. That constant responsibility can discourage caregivers from taking a vacation, even when they’re burnt out – which many are. But a new survey from AARP may make caregivers consider booking a getaway with their care recipient.
“Traveling together can actually be really beneficial for both the caregiver and the care recipient,” said Amy Goyer, AARP’s national family and caregiving expert.
AARP’s report found that nearly half of caregivers reported improved emotional well-being and social connectedness after traveling with their care recipient. That boost is especially significant considering the context of caregiver mental health challenges. AARP found that about 40% of caregivers rarely or never feel relaxed. Loneliness is also a concern.
“Caregiving can be very isolating, so it’s positive for them to go see family and friends,” Goyer said.
Caregivers saw improvements in their care recipients after traveling too. Approximately half of AARP survey participants reported that their loved one demonstrated better emotional and mental health after a trip. A quarter of caregivers saw signs of improved physical health in their care recipients post-travel.
“For them to be a part of normal life – like traveling, going to a family event – [that] becomes huge,” Goyer said. “[It’s] not just nice to do, but it becomes the biggest thing they did all year.”
Goyer saw this for herself when she took her own parents to her sister’s wedding. Her father had Alzheimer’s and her mother had suffered from a stroke. The trip took a ton of preparation, but it was “so worth it” for Goyer.
“I have a wonderful picture dancing with my dad at my sister’s wedding,” Goyer said. “It was so important to my sister that they be there.”
While these trips are rewarding, they come with challenges. Susanne White, a care advocate who runs Caregiver Warrior, can attest to this. She began her caregiving journey when her father got sick on a flight down to Florida to celebrate Christmas. He had to be rolled off in a wheelchair.
“We were just completely in a state of shock; this is a guy who never, never, never got sick,” White said.
He ended up getting diagnosed with walking pneumonia and some heart issues. These issues manifested because he had secretly become a caregiver to his wife.
“They had been working together to hide the fact that she was in the beginning stages of Alzheimer’s,” White said.
White stepped in to take care of both of her parents. The prospect of vacationing quickly faded into the background as her newfound responsibilities took center stage.
“As [caregivers] learn to adapt and start to understand where our life is going, I think we slowly but surely start to turn away from travel,” White said.
She soon realized the importance of taking regular trips out – even if they weren’t very far from home. Goyer backs this up: “There are positives just about going somewhere, even if it’s just a day trip,” Goyer said. “It’s a change of scenery.”
White’s parents had always loved going out to eat, but as her mother’s Alzheimer’s progressed, her table manners started to slip away.
“She would be really outspoken and say, ‘oh, I don’t like this soup. This soup is horrible.’ Or she would say things like ‘that music really stinks, tell her to take that down,” White said.
At first, White found it really difficult to deal with her mother’s behavior when out and about, especially considering she had a very “proper” personality before Alzheimer’s.
“I was embarrassed and I had to acknowledge that,” White said.
She focused on the fact that her mom didn’t realize she was doing anything wrong. It helped her place less attention on what other people thought.
“What mattered was that she was comfortable, that I was comfortable, and that we were all safe and warm and having the best time we could possibly have,” White said.
Still, she wanted to be conscientious of others. When at a restaurant or event, she began pulling aside the waiter or host to give them a rundown on her mother’s condition.
“I could say, ‘Hey, my mom has dementia. So, she’s a wonderful person and she’s pretty funny, and if we can just all laugh and get along, that’ll be great. Please don’t be offended, but she’s pretty outspoken,’” White said. “And nine times out of ten, wherever we were, they were so gracious to us.”
White’s dining method shows the importance of planning ahead for unexpected moments when caregiving. A ton of planning is really the key to a successful caregiving trip, according to Goyer. That’s why mastering packing is such a critical element to a successful caregiving vacation. Goyer’s top necessity is extra medication.
“If you’re traveling by airplane, be sure to carry those on along with a full medication list, a list of all their doctors, their insurance information, [and] of course, identification,” she said.
Make sure to bring food and water to take medication with – or simply to keep hunger and thirst satiated.
“People don’t realize how quickly an older person can get dehydrated,” Goyer said.
It’s especially important when traveling in the heat. During summer travels, Goyer recommends researching valet drop-off options when you’re making stops. She realized how crucial this was while taking care of her parents in Phoenix, Arizona.
“Even just going to the mall, I would use the valet parking because they had a cover where you could pull up under and be in the shade. The guy would also help me get the wheelchair out and get mom in it and get everybody situated,” Goyer said. “That was totally worth the three dollars or whatever I had to pay for that because it made it much safer for them.”
Don’t forget about medical equipment while packing, like remote pacemaker monitoring devices. There’s also some innovative caregiving technology that helps keep track of loved ones with memory issues. Goyer recalls being in a hotel lobby when an older man walked in looking very confused.
“The front desk staff were all very young people and they just didn’t really know what to do or how to interact with him. He obviously had dementia,” Goyer said.
Goyer helped them reconnect the man with his family, who was staying at the hotel while on a road trip.
“He had just gotten up and left the hotel room while his son was sleeping,” Goyer said.
She recommended his family invest in an alarm floor mat that alerts when walked on. You can stick the mat in front of hotel doors to prevent escapes. Magnetic door sensors also work. If you’re staying in separate rooms, consider bringing an audio monitor. Goyer kept one handy on her wedding trip.
“We had adjoining rooms and I kept the door open, but even so, I had that audio monitor next to my bed so that I could hear if they were trying to get out of bed and needed help,” Goyer said.
Don’t forget about bathroom breaks. Download navigation apps that show the nearest accessible restrooms on your route. And bring a full change of clothes – especially if incontinence is an issue.
“If you’re traveling in a car, have those things be accessible in the car – not packed at the bottom of the trunk,” Goyer said.
Think about comfort. If they deal with bone pain or have muscle or joint issues, pack special pillows. If they get cold easily, bring a blanket or sweater.
Traveling by plane comes with additional challenges, but Goyer’s key tips include bringing an extra caregiver and avoiding connecting flights. Check out the TSA Cares page before you arrive at the airport to see the different forms of accommodations for seniors. Passengers 75 and older can receive expedited TSA screening measures, like not having to take their shoes off.
“I always recommend that if possible get wheelchair assistance at the airport for your loved ones because they may be getting around fairly well at home, but walking through an airport is exhausting,” Goyer said.
If you’re looking to plan a full-fledged vacation, look into travel agencies that cater to seniors. White has been impressed by Elite Cruises and Vacations, which focuses on dementia-friendly travel. They have on-board medical professionals and accessible programming, as well as additional caregivers so primary caregivers can take daily breaks.
“There’s a great need for these opportunities,” White said. “I’m very happy about [Elite Cruises] because I think if we could get to a position as caregivers where we could relax a little bit and feel that we’re not alone and that we’re traveling with like-minded individuals with similar problems in a safe environment, I think more and more caregivers are going to jump at the opportunity.”
Finally, don’t forget to schedule downtime when the trip is over.
“Don’t plan a doctor appointment the next day,” Goyer said. “Take a few days for your loved ones to rest and settle back in and for you too – because caregivers can say they feel renewed, but they also feel tired. Make sure that that is part of your planning.”